Thursday, September 27, 2007

Current mood:  cheerful

Right straight talking time!…Over 2 months smoke free and I blow it, that was bad enough but then I continue to have a few smokes a day…Why????  Do I have short term memory loss?  Do I not remember my entire summer being spent cooped up indoors because I didn’t have the energy to walk anymore???  I am currently seeing a cardiologist for suspected heart attack….Thankfully it looks like a heart attack was unlikely rather a problem with fast heart rate….That can be controlled with drugs,  so why oh why am I doing this to myself?  I have noticed I have become very depressed over the last few weeks…..But that isnt all down to lack of smoking…My boys are now turning into men and need me less and less, that is hard……I have slowed down so much, but some of that is probably down to me coming off HRT…….Oh did I metion I suffer from premature menopause??? That in itself is a big depressant!  And when all this heart problem started I was took off my hormones….That must have had an effect on my moods….So new day tomorrow, I have got rid of any smokes in the house and tomorrow I will not be smoking……………..Why??????Because I am a non smoker!!!!!!!!!

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