Feel better………….. for a treetop murder victim

Went to counselling today.  Last NHS session next week, which really has been freaking me out.  I guess the NHS are ok if you have some uncomplicated personality error you wish to smooth out….So the week after next I start private counselling.  Th thought of going through all this emotional shite with a new person is very daunting but one I know i have to do if i truly want to shake this monkey from my back.  I have come a long way these past 4 months but i know i have much more work to do….

I wanna talk treetop murders.For years I thought i had been so lucky to be part of a very exciting love affair.  Full of adrenaline, a love so strong i thought it could never die.  The thrill of being caught the thrill of knowing we we doing something nobody knew about it.  For years I thought I was so special and had the perfect relationship.  He was going to love and cherish me forever and never hurt me….For years I clung to the thought that our love was like no others….indeed it wasn’t……It’s just now at 43 I recognize how much like no other love it really was……You see I was 14 and he was 44…Married with 2 children, one just a few years younger than me.  I never knew at the time it was wrong.  I didn’t like the physical side of things but being helped with my homework and listening to me i craved…he treated me like a human being but I paid a heavy price….I feel like a large part of my life has been a complete sordid messy lie.  Im now only discovering why I am so emotional, why i think so black and white, and why some days I have truly wish i was dead……..So treetop murders will be my code name for this operation to put me back together again.  its kind of apt and fitting (to me anyway)

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