Have spent the night thinking about my counselling session yesterday and the start of operation treetop murders. Got me thinking about a newspaper article year ago concerning mandy smith and Bill Wyman,. How did he get away with his behaviour.? Was it improper, was it normal? A quote from the daily mail in 2010
And I suppose because we did go on to get married when I was 18, it didn’t seem as bad.’ Legally and morally, though, she was the victim of abuse. Does she think in those terms?
She screws up her face. ‘I can’t think of it like that. I can’t allow myself to, because if I did, I don’t think I’d ever get over it. I suppose it is like a woman being raped by her husband. He may have raped her, but how can it be rape because she is married to him?’
And that is how i have felt for many years. I never knew that the irrational behaviour I display could really be down to my distrust of men, my longing back of my innocent teenage years…
You question your feelings and your motives and your responsibility in the whole saga. I thought i had the best kept secret forever and a love so strong i was fit to burst. Never did my head how wrong it was,…and i wasnt to blame. They call it grooming now. My counsellor says i was groomed by him…..He met me when i was just about 12.5 and he would have long discussion with me about my family. THey were tw very dysfunctional, so mr treetop murders knew all the right buttons to press, he built up a good picture of me before he decided to strike.. in therapy this reveals a time when he knew i wouldnt tell anybody and just go along with whatever he wanted. For in return i got the very thing i wasnt getting…..attention.! He set it up so cleverly …..after all he is a very educated man! like that means what???? And i guess he thought i was pretty dumb as i came from such a dysfunctional family. To this day he will truly believe I would never do anything against him. How wrong could he be? Maybe he thought i would never come to this stage in my life that i now can see how WRONG he was………You have to have closure,. I have to have closure! I dont know where this will end.but i have to go back and protect the 14 year old that nobody else at the time was doing….