I really do hate Xmas. It’s so expensive and does anybody really appreciate what you bought for them. I have decided that Xmas is a very stressful time and not a good time for somebody suffering from depression. I can really feel all the good counselling g work slipping away. Last night I got so upset with family things happening. I went to bed and laid tere crying. Just like a time once before. When I was sent to bed over Xmas but I start to think would I be missed if I wasn’t here. Would anybody care if I slipped away. Then I wish I would die just like I uses to as a teenager and maybe even before then. Maybe I need to go on pills as I’m eating eating and not taking my diabetes medication. In fact I’m doing what I have always been told attention seeking. I know no other way.