Tag Archive | church

Watch “Awkward Invitation” on YouTube

Thank you Pastor Jonathan Burnett. This video really helped me to visit an unknown church and enjoy the experience.


Portsmouth SDA Church

I visited the Portsmouth Seventh Day Adventist Church today for family worship. Hard for me to do as I suffer from social anxiety but with God by side I was okay. Easily over 100 people but that was okay.

Heard a beautiful song which brought tears to my eyes. I must tell Jesus! Hymn 485 BEAUTIFUL blessing to hear this and touch my HEART.

I hope next Sabbath I can go to my local SDA church .thank you Jesus for giving me the strength today Amen

Am I too damaged that God doesn’t want me?.

I pray, I cry, I talk , I get mad, I get thankful, I get emotional, I get confused, I get side tracked, I get happy, I get desperate, I get lonely ………I get fearful that God doesn’t want me.

I try so hard to find the right denomination to join and I just end up nowhere.

What is wrong with me that I just cannot find the inner peace I so desperately need. I have been in counselling now for about 4 – 5 years and yes I have made great changes, but I still hoard, I still buy things of no relevance I still feel empty I still feel alone I still feel unworthy. I cry out to God but I i don’t think he wants me . I read the Bible. I know what I believe to be the truth, I know what i believe to be the new world,I know what makes sense to me, but here I am still not belonging to a church , still feeling alone and still feeling disconnected from God,. I find one thing in a denomination I find hard to accept and that it is. I turn away from them. Do church goers really believe everything their denomination preaches? I used to take such comfort from pastor Doug, pastor Bradshaw, pastor Pearson, pastor Halvosen, but because I can not accept the tithe issues I have walked away and will not watch , because I think they are trying to trick me, like I have been tricked so much in my life……I don’t want to offend God but in doing so I have removed myself so far away from him, I truly believe he has given up on me……………..

this scares me because I don’t want to give up on myself and I feel like I’m getting to the point where I feel, what is the point……..I’m just setting myself up to be tricked and made a fool of.

I want to be a better person without a big void in my life and i have asked God in to my life but I fear I am too damaged

Is there anybody there?

So I have been on a search for God. It has taken me to different churches and met some different people. The one thing I have leant despite which denomination you chose it , you have to have your own personal relationship with god. The church the denomination is not important. Apart from spending and worshipping with a group who share your beliefs! This concept took me a while to grasp. I guess I thought some preacher pastor vicar would show me the path to God as they had exclusive access. When you don’t come from a religious background everything is new and unknown and I made and still do make lots of assumptions. I have had some not so pleasant encounters over the past year with religious people and I was have also been lucky enough to share some time study with some lovely people
So what does finding God mean to me? I have always had a belief that there was something I didn’t understand ,something about the universe, about my life ,about why we are here! It was and still is an eternal feeling and a feeling that never goes away. For me I love the awesomeness of the world. The rain,the stars, the hills,the sea ,the world! And the more you look at these wonderful gifts the more I think it can’t be an accident. It’s too well formed everything fits and works together.
However for me finding God lies in the Bible. The more I read the more I connect. I guess for me finding the scripture Romans 12.3 was pivotal It made sense to me and I have worked on that scripture. I don’t claim to have a solid concrete belief but I have the start and it’s a start I have waited for , for so long. And all I can do is build and build on the measure of faith God has planted in me. After all it’s up to us what we so with that faith.