Tag Archive | god

Portsmouth SDA Church

I visited the Portsmouth Seventh Day Adventist Church today for family worship. Hard for me to do as I suffer from social anxiety but with God by side I was okay. Easily over 100 people but that was okay.

Heard a beautiful song which brought tears to my eyes. I must tell Jesus! Hymn 485 BEAUTIFUL blessing to hear this and touch my HEART.

I hope next Sabbath I can go to my local SDA church .thank you Jesus for giving me the strength today Amen

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Am I too damaged that God doesn’t want me?.

I pray, I cry, I talk , I get mad, I get thankful, I get emotional, I get confused, I get side tracked, I get happy, I get desperate, I get lonely ………I get fearful that God doesn’t want me.

I try so hard to find the right denomination to join and I just end up nowhere.

What is wrong with me that I just cannot find the inner peace I so desperately need. I have been in counselling now for about 4 – 5 years and yes I have made great changes, but I still hoard, I still buy things of no relevance I still feel empty I still feel alone I still feel unworthy. I cry out to God but I i don’t think he wants me . I read the Bible. I know what I believe to be the truth, I know what i believe to be the new world,I know what makes sense to me, but here I am still not belonging to a church , still feeling alone and still feeling disconnected from God,. I find one thing in a denomination I find hard to accept and that it is. I turn away from them. Do church goers really believe everything their denomination preaches? I used to take such comfort from pastor Doug, pastor Bradshaw, pastor Pearson, pastor Halvosen, but because I can not accept the tithe issues I have walked away and will not watch , because I think they are trying to trick me, like I have been tricked so much in my life……I don’t want to offend God but in doing so I have removed myself so far away from him, I truly believe he has given up on me……………..

this scares me because I don’t want to give up on myself and I feel like I’m getting to the point where I feel, what is the point……..I’m just setting myself up to be tricked and made a fool of.

I want to be a better person without a big void in my life and i have asked God in to my life but I fear I am too damaged

Tithing

Tithing – is this still relevant today? I know plenty of denominations who tithe but do the scriptures preach we should.

On my journey with SDA this has always been an issue for me and one that ultimately meant i stopped going to bible study.  My husband is a non believer . He doesnt mind me pursuing my faith but when the issue of tithing came up he was opposed.  I am the sole earner in my family due to my husband being disabled.  I don’t earn very much and we live month to month.  Sometimes not making it through the month without help.when i explained about sda tithing i can understand that he was opposed.   So i made the decision to stop my studies.  BUT i still watch sda TV and enjoy the various sermons on the internet
Last night while watching lets pray on my roku box i wondered which is more important to God . Me paying or not paying tithe or me accepting Jesus and paying what i can afford when i can afford it.  Surely the adventist life isnt all about tithing. Can you get kicked out for not tithing. What do adventists with non believing partners do.  If you do not get baptised are you duty bound to still tithe?

I feel alone trying to work through this but I will contibue to pray and hope God will give me an answer.

Give me a sign

So I pray that God will give me a sign. I pray that I’m selfish and need a definite sign that he exists. I know it’s selfish but I question so much, need so much proof and reassurance. I figure he won’t mind he knows how much study I do and that in my heart he knows I want to believe. I have been so hurt and deceived by humans I have no faith left in human beings and a closed heart. I have been searching for God so long  and so want to embrace the words of the Bible. But I hold back I question and I doubt. So I pray that God will see this and somehow show me a sign. Today I received the sign. I went to church unannounced. Didn’t get my friend to Greet me at the door just went in on my own. This may not seem much to most but I have no confidence in myself. Feel I shouldn’t be at church as I’m bad and don’t deserve forgiveness. So this is big I did this. Everybody at the church is lovely and welcoming The pastor had a projector which wouldn’t connect to his laptop to aid with delivering his sermon. So he had to abandon that sermon and deliver another. This sermon touched my heart I spent most  of the sermon fighting back tears as it overwhelmed me so much. A sermon of living in a valley of darkness. I m living in that valley of darkness. Just been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Can’t cope with my life and just want it all to stop. The pastor told that God is there with me and I truly believe he is. That even though I want to die and for it all to end, I don’t have to feel this way. I can believe that God is with me and helping me that God has a plan for me. I don’t know the plan but he has one for me. So I truly believe today that God showed me he exists, that sermon was meant to be said and it truly touched me and the devil will try hard to decieve but I believe God will be with me Amen

Is there anybody there?

So I have been on a search for God. It has taken me to different churches and met some different people. The one thing I have leant despite which denomination you chose it , you have to have your own personal relationship with god. The church the denomination is not important. Apart from spending and worshipping with a group who share your beliefs! This concept took me a while to grasp. I guess I thought some preacher pastor vicar would show me the path to God as they had exclusive access. When you don’t come from a religious background everything is new and unknown and I made and still do make lots of assumptions. I have had some not so pleasant encounters over the past year with religious people and I was have also been lucky enough to share some time study with some lovely people
So what does finding God mean to me? I have always had a belief that there was something I didn’t understand ,something about the universe, about my life ,about why we are here! It was and still is an eternal feeling and a feeling that never goes away. For me I love the awesomeness of the world. The rain,the stars, the hills,the sea ,the world! And the more you look at these wonderful gifts the more I think it can’t be an accident. It’s too well formed everything fits and works together.
However for me finding God lies in the Bible. The more I read the more I connect. I guess for me finding the scripture Romans 12.3 was pivotal It made sense to me and I have worked on that scripture. I don’t claim to have a solid concrete belief but I have the start and it’s a start I have waited for , for so long. And all I can do is build and build on the measure of faith God has planted in me. After all it’s up to us what we so with that faith.

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